Anyone who says that they're not scared before an Ironman race (and isn't a pro or someone who's done it 38 times) has got to be lying. I thought I was going to be fine, and two weeks before the race it kicked in. Oh crap! I'm actually doing this! There was the psychological issues of trying to comprehend the race and beating yourself up for not training more, but the problem that bugged me the most was one that was in ways a little easier to see and in other ways not easy to see at all.
About a week before the race I woke up and started my daily prep... something a friend referred to as 'the three S's' once upon a time (S***, Shower and a Shave) and when I went for that first function I noticed searing pain. Five days before the race and I had developed a giant hemorrhoid!
Now see, here's the thing, I'd never had one before. I've never had one since. I can only attribute it to how freaked out I was about the race. Lending credence to this were the other gastrointestinal issues that started to make themselves apparent as soon as I hit Madison.
Friday of the race weekend, after going down to the race area for our last little swim, bike and run brick before the race (at might I add, a VERY gentle pace) we stopped at Fazoli's to grab some spaghetti. Never try something new for lunch before something important. I made the mistake of ordering 'healthy'... a plate of spaghetti with chicken and peppers. A decision I would rue from the first bite.
About 10 or 20 minutes after we drove the few minutes back to the hotel I felt my stomach begin to churn and undulate. A thousand pygmies were choosing now to begin their dance ritual and I sprinted for the bathroom. To say what occured next hurt would be an understatement. Bright yellow EXTREMELY spicy diarrhea like stool exploded out of my body ticking off the preexisting hemorrhoid. I hoped and prayed that this would be the end of the weekends woes, and they were in the sense that nothing that followed hurt nearly as much, but as soon as the physical stresses calmed down, the psychological stress flared back up.
I've never been one to have panic attacks, but that night I began to completely panic about the swim.
Before we go into that, let's review the symptoms of a panic attack and check off the ones that I had, thanks to Panic Anxiety.com
More Common Symptoms of panic attacks
1. Rapid heart beat, pounding heart or palpitations
2. Sweating
3. Shaking visibly or inside
4. Choking sensations or lump in throat
5. Smothering or shortness of breath sensations
6. Chest pain or discomfort
7. Nausea, bloating, indigestion or abdominal discomfort
8. Dizziness or unsteadiness
9. Feeling light-headed
10. Derealisation (feeling unreal or dreamy)
11. Depersonalisation (feeling outside yourself or like you don't exist)
12. Fear of losing control or going crazy
13. Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations) in face, extremities or body
14. Chills or hot flushes
15. Skin losing colour
16. Blushing or skin blotches
17. Urgently needing to urinate or defecate
All night, the nightmares rolled in one after the other about drowning in the lake. My longest swims had been short of 2 miles, so I hadn't done the whole distance. Fears were irrational because I knew the wetsuit was like God's hand in the water, plucking you up and out of it, but that was the part I felt least prepared for and so that was where my nightmares focused.
When I woke up on race morning, my normally placid heart rate at 50-60 was well over 130. Angela had gotten in late the night before so we decided to get together for breakfast. Not wanting to upset my stomach after the 'yellow spicy pepper softserve' of the day before, I had a banana and some toast. Even this wasn't enough to quell the intestines and soon I found myself repeating yesterday in the Denny's bathroom.
An hour later as I walked down to the swim start from the transition area, I felt resigned to my fate... like marching off to war. I had my aqua seal mask on so you couldn't tell that I was crying vociferously.
As soon as I got into the water, things started to calm down and I was able to focus in on the task at hand, but I sincerely hope that the pre-race day jitters never come back in that sort of fashion. I think there's a good chance that they won't. Having done the distance makes for quite a salve. When you know that you've done something in the past, at least in my case, it seems to make it easier in the future. The first time I climbed Gold Camp Road this season, I was a little freaked because I had given up the previous time I had attempted to climb it. The second time, I knew what to expect and could anticipate what was coming... a much easier situation to be in.
what's the moral of the story? I don't know that there is one besides acknowledging that it's perfectly normal to flip out before an absurdly long race... and also the realization on my part that this probably wasn't as graphic as it could have been. Not as graphic as when I drove a pitchfork through my big toe as a kid, or drove a sewing machine needle through my thumb in 7th Grade Home Ec, or belt sanded off part of my thumb the same year in shop... no this was just a hemorrhoid and some diarrhea. Just the very painful variety.
Off to see a screening of the new Jim Caviezel movie Madison. I'll report back on it later this weekend.
3 comments:
As graphic as that was it is often a necessity to illustrate the contortions a triathelte goes through prior to an ironman. I have never done one, but just witnessed one first hand and I was nervous this morning just watching. I barely got any sleep last night and it wasn't that "night-before-Christmas Day" can't sleep it was that pre race tossing and turning and like I said- I wasn't even competing.
Standing on the Mill Ave. Bridge with Commodore this morning, I must confess I had the exact the same feeling. It was an absolute wake up call to the need to train with more ferocity and greater diligence.
It's somehow reassuring to know I'm not the only one that flips out over teensy things like the potential for drowning during the swim! :) http://nancytoby.blogspot.com/2005/03/fear-itself.html
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