Day 3 part 2

I've spent a good chunk of the day thinking about what I want to get out of this. What EXACTLY I'm trying to find. I've also been thinking about how when a friend of mine had done a few days in the past, he hadn't been able to focus on the spiritual side as much as he feels he should have. I just hope that I can focus on the spiritual as much as I should.

I picked up an audiobook on prayer from the library today. I'm going to stick that in the car on my commute with Angela and hopefully listen to that this week.

I'm torn about how open to be on this blog. It would be easier if I knew there were only strangers reading it. But anyway...

I want to strengthen my marriage and work on communication.

I want to focus on focusing. I'm easily distracted at work and I'm not able to focus on this new side of my job that they really gave me that I don't have much desire to do.

I want to pray and meditate about what's next. Ang and I still hope to move to Austin, TX. I want to pray about the steps we take over the next few months to do that... or whether that's even where God has us going.

and I do want to get my body to a place where I can start from scratch. I'd like to slough off the weight. I know this won't do it entirely, and I know that it's not a weight loss regiment. It is, however, going to take off some weight, and I'd really like for that to be a start towards the next thing.

Angela was talking tonight about wanting to change her relationship to food. How she uses it as an emotional crutch or feels the urge to use it that way. That's never been my struggle. My struggle has always just been general overeating. I'm a snacker. If there's food around, I'll pick away at it. The chocolate that's here on the desk, if I weren't in a fast, I'd be picking away at, and that's not how I want to be moving forward.

I struggle with the aescetic aspect of this. There's part of me that feels that I'm doing this as a way to punish myself for food sins of the past. I know that's not healthy and I really don't want this to turn into an eating disorder of some kind. I love food. I love cooking it and I love eating it. I just want to learn new rules when this is over that will allow me to enjoy it in a healthier way.

In addition, I want to springboard on the other side of this with my cycling. One of the saddest things in the past year and a half has been putting cycling on the shelf because of my freelancing. I want to figure out ways to reintroduce it so that I'm getting miles in the saddle while also still finding time to make the extra money that will allow us to continue to work our debt snowball.

I'm off to have some soup broth. More tomorrow.