Day 10

still 237... which is fine.

I'm still confused about this whole thing. I mean, I'm not tempted to stop it because I'm hungry (surprisingly, I'm not), but I still just struggle with whether this is getting me anywhere spiritually. I guess I still just feel numb, like the little communications line between me and God has a big crimp in it and I can't figure out where it is. 

I feel though that I told people about this in the first place so that I'd lose face if I ended extremely early for some reason, so I'll continue on. I mean, the food thing at this point seems to be fairly easy... so what harm can it do if I keep trying to dig in. 

That said, I just read something in yesterdays My Utmost For His Highest reading that really spoke to me. 

There are times when you can’t understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don’t fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification— to be set apart from sin and made holy— or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt— wait.

At first you may see clearly what God’s will is— the severance of a friendship, the breaking off of a business relationship, or something else you feel is distinctly God’s will for you to do. But never act on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will cause difficult situations to arise which will take years to untangle. Wait for God’s timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move.

Peter did not wait for God. He predicted in his own mind where the test would come, and it came where he did not expect it. "I will lay down my life for Your sake." Peter’s statement was honest but ignorant. "Jesus answered him, ’ . . . the rooster shall not crow till you have denied Me three times’ " (John 13:38). This was said with a deeper knowledge of Peter than Peter had of himself. He could not follow Jesus because he did not know himself or his own capabilities well enough. Natural devotion may be enough to attract us to Jesus, to make us feel His irresistible charm, but it will never make us disciples. Natural devotion will deny Jesus, always falling short of what it means to truly follow Him.

So, I'm going to wait. I'm taking that as a word. It will have to do for now.